The Battle Rages On

So in November I had an annual physical and all the blood tests and consults to Mammogram, Dermatology, Allergy Clinic (something here is still making my eyes and nose run) and a new one - The Lean Healthy Lifestyle Clinic. Yes, being fat is an obvious act that cannot be hidden. In fact, I am teetering on MORBID Obesity according to the BMI guidelines that the hospital follows. More about that later.

So I have had my blood drawn, got my flu shots, had a mammogram (results came Sat, NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER), went to the dermatologist and had 26 skin tags frozen (and am currently awaiting them to disengage from my body) and he also informed me that the keratosis on my skin is from sun damage but not necessarily precancerous. Of course I will continue to use sunscreen.

Last Wednesday I met with Madalene for a physical fitness assessment and to lay out a plan of strength training and cardio. I start this morning. First up, Zumba®, a Latin inspired dance aerobic class, which is sure to kill me (so much for diabetes, hypertension, cancer and stoke)! Seriously, I attended a class up in Schofield back in July and could barely move for 3 days! Now after class, I have an hour of strength training with M. I hesitate to call it weight training, only because I doubt there will be much weight (except my own) involved. So wish me luck! If I can update this afternoon, you will know I am alive!

So back to the Lean Healthy Lifestyle program - my first appointment is Jan 5 and it is 6 hours long. I don't have a lot of information about it, other than I know that it's the same program that they send gastric bypass patients to before they have surgery. NO, I AM NOT HAVING GASTRIC BYPASS! Just want to be clear, I have considered it, and I am sure that I could gain 11 more pounds to qualify for it. But although it SEEMS like a quick and EASY solution, it is not. And it does not address the real issue of all this weight. That is what I need to work on so I can lose it safely and not have it come back. I have been a sad sack for a while and I am quickly understanding my need to no longer wish for this but to actually do something, anything!

When I quit smoking 10 1/2 years ago, it seemed like I quit cold turkey. I just stopped, but the truth is, I tried for 12 years to quit before I finally did. I quit during pregnancy but the minute (okay 6 weeks) I gave birth I started right back up. I used gum, hypnotism, drugs, counseling - with no success. Although the experts say every time you quit, you get closer to quitting for good. So maybe all those attempts were really just part of the success. Regardless, quitting an addiction is difficult and it requires a ton of work and daily vigilance. I still have the occasional day when I think, "Wouldn't it be nice to just have a cigarette with this cup of coffee?" Insanity never goes away!

I have come to a realization that I am addicted to food, it's not my excuse - it's just my awareness that I will battle this the rest of my life and if I am lucky, it will get easier like the smoking. There is so much about this issue that every day I find myself learning more and more about food in my life. Funny, I am Irish and true to the stereotype, I come from a long line of alcoholics (both recovering and still practicing). I grew up in AA and Alateen and Alanon. I have spent my whole life hyper aware of my non drinking and my drinking when I began, how much and why. I have been "waiting" to become an alcoholic myself. Instead, I used food.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers and know that I am working hard at this.