The Lean and Healthy Lifestyle

Yesterday was a long day, sitting in a chair with other mostly obese people listening for the umpteenth time about exercise, nutrition and balance. I went there for help to control my eating. I left there exhausted, mentally drained and realizing that no matter where I go and what I do to reach out, the bottom line is that I must be able to solve this myself. There is no diet or drug or surgery that will fix my obesity. It was funny that after all the reading and trying and failing on so many diets; it all comes back to that damn food pyramid we learned about in 4th grade health class; food groups and moderation. Surprise, surprise!

I discovered that I am no longer 5 foot 7 inches; I am actually 5 foot 5 ½ inches. What this means is at 232 pounds, my BMI (Body Mass Index) is not 36. 3 but 38. I didn’t particularly like finding this out, especially since I have lost 6 pounds. But hey, I shake it off after a moody evening yesterday. I really must keep it all in perspective.

Bottom line is that this is going to be a long road of small changes and delayed rewards. I wonder how much of my weight problem has to do with my selfishness in seeking immediate gratification? It was discussed broadly and it really has made me think about how often I do what I want to do when I want to do it, whether it’s purchasing something or eating or wasting my time. I used to consider things before I took action unless I truly believed that action was necessary immediately. Now, I think I operate on a more emotional and needy level. Sort of like a child. Does this come from all the upheaval of the last few years? It only matters that I stop behaving this way.

I have to get to a place where I can trust that I really do not need that bag of cookies or Doritos or the pint of ice cream. I have to learn to eat for sustainment and fuel rather than to shove my feeling down my throat followed by a fat laden gulp of guilt! I do not like how this has changed who I am and I am not the person inside that everyone sees on the outside.

I am posting a couple of pictures of me, the first one was when I was 19 and had just finished basic training and advanced medic training at Fort Sam Houston, Texas. I am posting it to show you how I have seen myself for all this time. For those of you who know me, you know I haven’t looked that way for years.

This second one is from last May in my house in Kentucky. I wasn’t brave enough to post it then, not because I thought you didn’t know. It was because I didn’t recognize this person. Believe it or not, it was really the first time I actually saw how big I was and I have been damn angry since then!

Yes, I am morbidly obese and I am tired and cranky and fed up and I am scared. I am scared to die this way without having taken the opportunity to change it. I am tired of carrying the extra 87 pounds. I am tired of hoping that a shirt will cover my stomach or a pair of shorts will button at the waist. I am tired of my feet hurting because I am so heavy.

I have taken some great positive actions. I have hired a trainer to help me reach my fitness goals, I have committed to Zumba classes, and I have entered this Lean Healthy Lifestyle program and have committed this year to using all of these tools to get to my goal.

There’s no miracle drug or surgery for me. No special diet or quick fix. Estimating a 2 pound weight loss per week, and I am looking at a minimum of 10 months and I am committed to it. I want to live a long healthy life. I want to see my grandson grow up. I want to see my children fall in love and get married and have more grandchildren.
I want to see them realize their dreams and since it’s my job to be an example, I need to realize mine.

So today is January 6th and I have a group class at the hospital this morning and a strength training session with Madalene afterwards. It’s really just going to be one foot in front of the other for however long it is going to take.