One Saturday in May

On Saturday, May 9, 2009 I, along with my daughter and grandson, completed the 5K Walk/Run race for the American Red Cross. I know it’s been almost a week since then, but I have had a few computer issues (long story) but I am posting now. Now I first need to thank Lori Price for all the wonderful photographs she took of my family and I at the start and at the end of the race. She is a long time friend whose twins were running the same race.
In the pictures you will notice that we are smiling in all of them. Now we are not faking them, as my daughter, Rachel and I were indeed smiling the entire race. We were laughing and joking and encouraging each other all the way. We got up early that morning to make sure we ate a healthy breakfast and had some time for digestion and for drinking plenty of water before going down to the Red Cross station here on Fort Knox.We signed in and put our numbers on and I felt all sorts of butterflies in my stomach. I kept reminding myself that I was racing myself with the following objectives; to finish the race, to run as much as I could of it, and to not let anyone I passed pass me. But I guess because it was a race, the competitive nature in me started sizing up my “competition” and I use this term LOOSELY. The only thing I had on them was indeed my size. There were people of all ages, sizes and abilities and it was incredible to see how many kids were participating. Brian of course was riding this race, but I envision him running with me one day. So I tried to focus on being calm and relaxed. Rachel and I met up with Lori and her family and we caught up for a few having not seen each other in over 6 years. She even brought pictures of my son with her twins when the twins were 7 and my son was 13. It was nice to see her family grown and I think she loved seeing Rachel and meeting Brian.


Me, Rachel and Brian waiting for the start of the race.

Well, the race began and the runners started first and then all of us followed. Rachel and I used the first quarter mile to snake our way through the pack, all the way pushing the stroller with Brian in it. Then we started to jog. It was humid and hot and only 8:30 in the morning! My legs initially felt like two heavy logs but soon I started to get into a groove. Rachel and I jogged then power-walked for about the first mile and we made short-term goals, such as we’ll run until the turn, we’ll start running when we crest this hill, we’ll start walking once we pass the lady in the red shirt, etc. We laughed the entire course!


Shortly after the start, snaking our way through the pack.


The home stretch - thank goodness for the stroller for holding me up!


Yes, we laughed the whole way!!!

The course was hilly but all on asphalt. I have only run on that surface a handful of times. The weather during spring in Kentucky is very wet so I do a lot of my running on a treadmill at the gym. So I was feeling pretty good about being able to run this race. As we turned the corner to the finish line, there were soldiers who had run the race in formation lined up on either side of the finish line and they were cheering everyone on! We began the race at 1min 7secs and completed it at 43:07, with a time of 42 minutes flat! What a great way to finish!

Our finish line reception - those soldiers were cheering really loud! I felt like a million!

After the race with Josh and Micheal. Brian was wondering when he was getting outta there!

I have to say, I am proud of myself for doing it and I am glad that I am running again. Even though I still have a long way to go to reach my goals, I feel so motivated with accomplishment. I am really beginning to see the fruits of my labor and while the weight is coming off slowly, I am getting stronger every day.

Live to Fight Another Day

I have been thinking this past weekend about how I sabotage myself in my weight loss efforts. I do pretty good with the eating and exercising and then I have a day like Saturday. I start the day off with a yogurt, coffee and water. I take TWO bottles of water to the gym for my hour long walk/run and some things occur and I am off track.

First, because my legs are sore I set the time for 45 minutes instead of my usual 60. I run two miles and walk one and do a 5 minute cool down. My rationale is 2 to 1 run/walk ratio and I need to go to the grocery store and then take Rachel (my daughter) to work. Then I go to the grocery store - I am starving but I have my list and I do really well sticking to my list until I see the Easter candy on clearance....so I throw some in the cart. Why? I think I thought why not? It's FAT FREE candy, I'll have some as a reward...this is why I shouldn't go near a grocery store when I am starving!

So I am driving home and starving (am I really starving at 230 pounds?) and I reach in the bag, not for a yogurt or a cheese stick or even a whole wheat tortilla - no I grab the bag of candy and think just a few until I get home. Slippery slope....

I get home and I bring in all the groceries and put them away and I sit down in front of my computer with a water and you guess it...CANDY! I engage in mindless nibbling.....binging?...and the next thing I know, I have eaten half the bag!!!! That's 700 calories of PURE SUGAR!!!!

So I think about this and I post this to my Spark nutrition page and figure hey, I still have 1390 calories left in the day...I will be okay. Within the next hour I finish the bag of candy and another 700 calories are consumed. My mind immediately rationalizes this by thinking I will just do some cardio with the Wii boxing and besides, I still have 690 calories left for dinner (I still haven't had lunch or any real food since the morning).

I take a show and I feel so tired and I think it's because of the Benedryl I took earlier so I lay down for about 30 minutes and I fall into a DEEP sleep (a sugar coma) and Rachel wakes me up so I can take her to work and I feel hungover. I slowly drag myself downstairs and get into the car and take her to work and I realize, I am still starving and haven't eaten lunch. It's almost 4pm by this time and I have to take a movie back to the Redbox and I decide I will take it to the one in front of McDonald's because I can pull in right in front and leave Brian (my grandson) in his car seat while I return it. A good plan for efficiency right? Not good for someone who is starving - because as I pull out from returning the movie I find myself entering the drive through. I decide I will just get a small cheese burger and a happy meal for Brian with Chicken nuggets and apple dippers and milk. No fries, no soda just a cheeseburger...but I am starving and am too irritable at this stage to go home and cook so I rationalize my next choice by telling myself it will be lunch AND dinner. So I order the Quarter Pounder with cheese meal with DIET lemonade...I am trying right???

I eat my meal driving home so fast that before I hit the gate, I only have the lemonade left. We get home, I finish feeding Brian, he only eats two nuggets and some apple slices and he's off to play...see I am not learning to do what Brian instinctively does, eats until he is full. For a second, I think I am bigger than him...until I start to feel like CRAP! Now remember, I haven't eaten red meat for a long time and suddenly I am feeling my stomach turn and feel ill. And then it hits me, GARBAGE IN GARBAGE OUT! and you can guess where I am next.

I feel terrible the rest of the evening, I am irritable, impatient, exhausted and drained. I am counting every minute until I can go to bed. Poor Brian wants to run and play and I am like a dead lump of crap just slogging along and laying around letting him climb on me and I can tell he is getting irritated with me! He has every right - I failed big time on Saturday! Finally it's 9pm and he is ready for bed and so am I! We get ready for bed I hold him and sing to him and then put in down, he rolls over into his comfy position and within minutes is asleep.

Instead of going to bed myself, I go downstairs to watch a movie and wait for Rachel to get home. Around midnight she does and we chat for about a half hour and finally go to bed. I fall asleep instantly because the next thing I know, it's 8:06 am on Sunday and Brian is playing right outside my bedroom door and I realize I have lived to fight another day!

So I have learned a few valuable lessons; first, sugar is NOT my friend! Second, if I eat like my grandson does then maybe this would be a much easier process. And third, I need to find out why I feel "hungry" all the time.

So I eat my breakfast, drink some water and then go to the gym and set the time for 60 minutes and I run 2.5 miles and walk 2 miles and I realize that the hour is my friend and a full 10 minute cool down is my lifesaver! I come home, eat a protein bar, shower, do some laundry and wake up Brian from his nap. We play, eat some lunch and play some more (it's been storming outside since Saturday night) and we just enjoy each other and I don't think about food on Sunday the way I obsessed about it on Saturday. We eat a moderate dinner and I have stayed well below my daily calorie limits. We both go to bed at 9pm last night and I wake up this morning refreshed and ready.

It really is a daily process, sometimes meal by meal. The best thing for me is that I didn't let Saturday turn into a weekend bender or worse, discourage me and get me off track for longer. I will go to the gym in an hour and I will work my walk/run program like I haven't skipped a beat. I have a pretty important goal - I want to run! Oh yeah I almost forgot, yesterday as I was leaving the gym, I saw an advertisement about a 5k Run for the American Red Cross and I grabbed a brchure and have decided I will do it. It's on May 9th and I have 2.5 weeks to get myself up for it. I am not racing for time, I am racing for my own personal best - to complete it.

I have lived to fight for this day.