charity:water

Aloha!

I just wanted to take a moment to tell you why I support charity:water. I heard about them a year ago when my friend Sarah had asked that in lieu of gifts for her daughter, Audrey's, 2nd birthday, to please donate to this organization. I went to their website, read about their organization and donated on behalf of Audrey. I then followed them on twitter and facebook and discovered an amazing story of some incredible people, who are doing wonderful things to raise money to provide safe access to clean drinking water.

I have done a few things to promote their cause including donating money, re-tweeting their tweets on twitter and re-posting their status updates on facebook. I have also told everyone I know about them. Well that didn't seem like a lot and it really isn't hard to copy and paste. charity:water has made me rethink how I use water in my life. They also helped me to realize that I can do so much more in my life to help others, however seemingly small. So I decided I wanted to do more.

In July began a small campaign at my new house in Hawaii to collect old bottles, cans and other recyclables with deposits that are left around my community and turning it in for cash, in turn pledging that amount to charity:water. I've stopped buying bottled water and now donate the amount I would have spent on it to charity:water. Every day when I wash dishes, clean my clothes, take a shower, brush my teeth, and do anything else involving the use of water - makes me think about how fortunate I am to have safe clean water available to me any time I want it. I have taken it for granted my whole life, just like most Americans. Every bit counts!

I am so grateful and appreciative to be able to live on this beautiful island, in the middle of the Pacific, with all the amenities of any place in the mainland of the US. I am committed to reducing the waste in my life and when I see waste elsewhere I am going to do what I can to make a difference. And the best part is that I can turn that into cash for my charity, charity:water.

Please visit charity:water on their website to learn how you can make a difference. You can follow them on facebook here and on twitter here.

By the way, Audrey will be turning 3 on September 5th and I am will be making a donation on her behalf again - will you join me? Audrey's Birthday Page.

Mahalo!

Has it Really Been Three Months?

Seriously? Oh my, how time flies when one has to move across the country with a kid, grandkid, two dogs, two trucks and God only knows the EXACT weight of our household goods. It's been quite a summer since my last post moving from hot and humid Kentucky to not quite as hot and not quite as humid Hawaii.

I actually ran another 5K shortly after we arrived; the 4th of July Run/Walk on Schofield Barracks, Hawaii. It was hot and the hill was gradual but long. It took me a little longer to finish than the one in May - 49:07. A couple of things affected me besides the heat one of which was that while I was pushing Brian in the stroller, I did not have Rachel with me. She was up ahead running with her dad. I really do think there is something to having a running partner.
We moved into our house at the beginning of July and we have a small gym just a block away. I was pretty consistant in going until the furniture arrived as well as my son, Jimmy on leave at the end of July. I am still mired in the chaos of an unorganized house and still have a bit of unpacking to do.

My eating hasn't been terrible but I know I could do a lot better than I have been. I seem to give into my emotions a lot easier than before, not sure if it's the early stages of menpopause or if I have finally been officially overwhelmed by the circumstances in my life. I have been eating healthier and reduced the snacking; and there was a week where I was weighing in at 228.5 but now I am back to 230lbs. I have my days when I feel resigned to being a large woman and it can depress the shit out of me. I know the things I need to do for myself but find that I give it up too easily for everything else I need to do within my family.

It's almost like I am afraid to change. Which is so ridiculous given that I haven't always been a fat woman and there didn't seem to be a lot of fear in changing from a thin one to my current form. I actually hate that I am fat - I mean I REALLY hate it. I know, I want to focus on being able to run but I find that difficult because it fricking hurts like hell sometimes to do so. So I am always confronted by my weight - no matter how much I try to not be.

A couple of things have happened since May that have really struck a nerve for me. One was reconnecting with an Army friend I hadn't seen since shortly after the birth of my son. She found me on facebook and a few weeks later flew to KY to see me as we were packing out - talk abotu timing...anyhow, she looked exactly the same! I mean she looked EXACTLY the same!!! Blew me away!!! I thought, how come the 21 years hadn't changed her physically the way it has seemingly PUNISHED the crap outta me?!! Of course she looked a little older, but in a GREAT way. It was so wonderful to see her and hug her and realize how much I had missed her.

After she left, I felt such a tremendous sense of failure. How did I let this happen to me?? Where is the person she used to know? I know she was just as happy to see me and I know that even though she noticed how much I had physically changed that she still loves me and has missed me the same. But it's like getting a kick in the gut (is that why they call it a gut check?) and it hurt.

The second thing to occur was my realization that as I have been reconnecting with other people from my past they still look the same! I mean, yes everyone has aged, but they are no worse for wear. They are still of normal weight and they all look great. It has made me start to think about why I have put on all this weight. I am not talking about 20, 30 or even 40 pounds. I am talking over 100lbs at my heaviest (242 in January). That is a hell of a lot of weight! It is the amount of weight that a lot of folks have gained who get gastric bypass. It's the equivelant of another person!

One other thing that happened last night. I spent the evening dancing with our neighbors and my daughter and grandson. Now when I say dance, I am talking DANCE! We shook our booties to the ground! And while I thoroughly enjoyed myself, as I was watching others boogie (showing my age) down I realized once again how ABNORMAL it is for me to be fat. It's not that they are skinny, it's that they are NORMAL weight! Which means they can move easier than I can and they can do th moves that I only do in my head.

So I think I need to revise my strategy. I need to work on my eating habits AND work on my lifestyle habits. I need to find that confidence that I once had. I need to know in my head and my heart that I can do this. I also need to get a trainer! Someone who I can give permission to crack the proverbial whip! I can't do this by myself anymore.

Just Did It

Today was gorgeous! I was on my way to the gym out of habit, and I was passing the track and decided why not? I pulled in and parked and thought, I will do what I can. This track is 1/2 mile so I thought, just do 6 laps - don't think about how far you will run and how far you will walk. Just do it. So I did. I took my iPhone (I carry my phone when outside just in case something happens) which has my music loaded. I had my ID card and my truck key in a small pocket in my shorts, drank some water and away I went. What a gorgeous day - 68 degrees, clear skies, and a gentle breeze blowing, so not the typical day of the last few months here. I felt good and was only slightly worried about my allergies because it's a huge problem in Kentucky.

There was a woman pushing a baby stroller, a couple of men walking on their lunch break, and another couple walking but I felt like I had the place to myself. I walked for a few minutes and then started to jog. Listening to my new Keith Urban cd and just cruising. I didn't run fast, just a nice jog and I thought I will jog as far as I can, check my heart rate and walk until I feel like jogging again. And that's exactly what I did. I was fascinated by watching the birds fly in and out of the fields and for the most part kept a good form with my shoulders relaxed and my butt tucked under my hips and looking forward and not down.

Well, mostly, I notice that when I go from a walk to jogging, I start out with my shoulders shrugged up and I tend to lean forward, like I am going to sprint. But within a few seconds, I realize what is happening and I focus on getting the different parts aligned. I feel so much better when I have good form and I credit it for helping me stay injury free. I have a relatively high tolerance for all types of pain, but when it has come to running before, I used to call the soreness I was feeling pain so I would have an excuse not to do it anymore. I am very aware of the fact that running is creating a great deal of stress on my body, I weigh 230 lbs and that's a lot of force to be putting on these hips, knees and ankles. So I run slowly and I work on my form and I run for as long as I think I can, then I run a little more. Sure, I feel sore when I am running sometimes, but nothing long lasting and I am learning the difference between soreness and real pain.

Now, I am out there running and I start to think about how self-conscious I was just a few months ago and how it kept me from even trying to run. I used to wear long pants and baggy shirts, sometimes with a jacket wrapped around my waist and I would only walk. I would put my headphones and sunglasses on and pretend I was invisible, quite a trick for a large woman. But I would not run, I wouldn't even try! Same in the gym, I just couldn't get over the fact that everyone was staring at me and imagining what they could be thinking. Boy it was nice to run in shorts and not care what anyone thought, including the two guys I passed on the course. Sure, they were walking, but I wondered if they felt just a bit guilty seeing the fat girl run and they weren't. Yes, I have those thoughts! I am competitive.

A few weeks ago, my daughter purchased a sports bra for me. She had been watching my frustration trying on all these "sports bras" only to discover none fit! So she researched online and found a place and ordered it. Coincidentally, the first day I wore it was May 6, the same day I ran 2 miles without stopping. I call it my miracle bra. If you have never experienced the wondrous feeling of having your breasts bouncing so hard it takes the wind out of you, you cannot appreciate the beauty of a perfect fitting bra! It's a Glamorise Sport Max Bra. I had been contemplating using ace bandages to bind them puppies up! It is painful, I sometimes would look for bruising! On the same topic, I started thinking about how I am so glad I bought these compression shorts by Under Armour because they really help with the jiggling of my stomach. It's amazing how I can wrap it all up and feel like a different person, is that why our mothers and grandmothers wore girdles? I am kidding of course, but as for running, the answer is in keeping things compact, or at least immobile.

So I finished my 6 laps (3 miles) and it took me 41:24, same time as I did on the treadmill on Saturday, so that's progress! I expect to be slower outside because the treadmill gives you forward momentum and has a softer surface than asphalt. Another thing I noticed was that my heart rate never got past 168bpm and my one minute recovery heart rate is getting better as well. And in spite of my dry throat from allergies, my breathing was pretty even. I felt better running and I actually enjoyed it. I drank a whole bottle of water and headed home.

I am so glad I did it.

One Saturday in May

On Saturday, May 9, 2009 I, along with my daughter and grandson, completed the 5K Walk/Run race for the American Red Cross. I know it’s been almost a week since then, but I have had a few computer issues (long story) but I am posting now. Now I first need to thank Lori Price for all the wonderful photographs she took of my family and I at the start and at the end of the race. She is a long time friend whose twins were running the same race.
In the pictures you will notice that we are smiling in all of them. Now we are not faking them, as my daughter, Rachel and I were indeed smiling the entire race. We were laughing and joking and encouraging each other all the way. We got up early that morning to make sure we ate a healthy breakfast and had some time for digestion and for drinking plenty of water before going down to the Red Cross station here on Fort Knox.We signed in and put our numbers on and I felt all sorts of butterflies in my stomach. I kept reminding myself that I was racing myself with the following objectives; to finish the race, to run as much as I could of it, and to not let anyone I passed pass me. But I guess because it was a race, the competitive nature in me started sizing up my “competition” and I use this term LOOSELY. The only thing I had on them was indeed my size. There were people of all ages, sizes and abilities and it was incredible to see how many kids were participating. Brian of course was riding this race, but I envision him running with me one day. So I tried to focus on being calm and relaxed. Rachel and I met up with Lori and her family and we caught up for a few having not seen each other in over 6 years. She even brought pictures of my son with her twins when the twins were 7 and my son was 13. It was nice to see her family grown and I think she loved seeing Rachel and meeting Brian.


Me, Rachel and Brian waiting for the start of the race.

Well, the race began and the runners started first and then all of us followed. Rachel and I used the first quarter mile to snake our way through the pack, all the way pushing the stroller with Brian in it. Then we started to jog. It was humid and hot and only 8:30 in the morning! My legs initially felt like two heavy logs but soon I started to get into a groove. Rachel and I jogged then power-walked for about the first mile and we made short-term goals, such as we’ll run until the turn, we’ll start running when we crest this hill, we’ll start walking once we pass the lady in the red shirt, etc. We laughed the entire course!


Shortly after the start, snaking our way through the pack.


The home stretch - thank goodness for the stroller for holding me up!


Yes, we laughed the whole way!!!

The course was hilly but all on asphalt. I have only run on that surface a handful of times. The weather during spring in Kentucky is very wet so I do a lot of my running on a treadmill at the gym. So I was feeling pretty good about being able to run this race. As we turned the corner to the finish line, there were soldiers who had run the race in formation lined up on either side of the finish line and they were cheering everyone on! We began the race at 1min 7secs and completed it at 43:07, with a time of 42 minutes flat! What a great way to finish!

Our finish line reception - those soldiers were cheering really loud! I felt like a million!

After the race with Josh and Micheal. Brian was wondering when he was getting outta there!

I have to say, I am proud of myself for doing it and I am glad that I am running again. Even though I still have a long way to go to reach my goals, I feel so motivated with accomplishment. I am really beginning to see the fruits of my labor and while the weight is coming off slowly, I am getting stronger every day.

I Am Only One

Something About Forty Something

This is my dad Jim and my little sister April and this photo was taken sometime in 1974. My dad was 42. He had quit smoking and taken up jogging. My brother Tony and I would try to get up early to go with him but most of the time, I fell behind because I couldn't keep up. My dad was pretty fast and my brother would run with all his might to keep up, I guess he was far more determined than I to finish. We were only 9 and 10 and I remember the feeling of failure to keep pace. Of course now I realize we were just little kids and even though my brother finished he would be wiped out and exhausted. I would usually make it about half way and walk the rest of the way home.

But what I remember most about his running in the morning was how he would sit on the driveway afterwards with his newspaper and coffee and wait with my sister for her bus. I think it was one the highlights of his day. One thing my father did pretty well was to live in the moment and enjoy it for what it was.

I am 44 now and I am a grandmother. That's my little grandboy Brian on my back and I really enjoy being with him whenever and wherever we are. He and his mommy, my daughter Rachel moved back home in December last year and I feel so fortunate to have him with me each day.

I run now and even though I am still slow, I finish and I relish that I can do it now. I think of my father quite a bit on my runs and I wish he were here to run with me. It would be nice to share the road with him and in some ways, I still get to.